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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 07:50
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
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Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
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Men have become the tools of their tools.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
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The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
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It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
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Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/13/(Fri) 08:48
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